It's okay to cry....

Ever get to that point where you finally break down and the tears just won't stop?

You sit there not even thinking but the tears keep falling and you have no idea why your even crying anymore?

Today was that day, I'm guilty of holding things in until I get like this and every time I make a promise that I won't do it anymore yet I still do!

Strangely other than the points I'm about to mention I've been okay in myself and have no idea where today's tears came from.

I woke up fine no problems at all pretty happy then anxiety hit everyone and everything felt way to close to me when in reality they really weren't that close at all, Me and Issy were having a stand off over a kinder egg (damn those poxy things) something that would usually leave me in fits of giggles over her teenager like strop because I wouldn't give in as easily as I once would have,

everything was like a mega phone in my ear and was driving me stir crazy and these days have become far to often for my liking.

I'm a mum and love my girls dearly but days like today I can't handle having them near me when all I want is a giant kiss and cuddle from them both but I just can't handle it and that f*cking kills me!

I know what kind of mother doesn't want her kids around her at all times?

That mother would be me and it kills me to admit it, I feel like a prisoner in my own mind and body.

My heart is bursting and I want nothing more than to snuggle my babies all day but my brain and senses are freaking out and can't even begin to process the idea of having them so close. which in turn leaves me feeling so guilty I never thought one person could feel so much guilt, which leaves all my emotions snowballing.

Today was a day were I could happily lock myself away and only come out when I needed the toilet,

I fear going to sleep and relaxing because it could be a night of panic attacks because you never know I could possibly be sick that night something I can repeatedly tell myself that I won't be and to chill out but my brain refuses to listen and decides to send me into uncontrollable shakes, jaw chattering and panicking so much I forget how to swallow. 

a simple cough leaving me gagging because its as if my brain can't process that it's just a cough and I'm not in the start of the process of being sick.

12 and 3am are a time my brain cannot handle, without a doubt if I'm awake to see that time I will have a panic attack, which in turn leaves me forcing myself to sleep when either time is approaching.

I can no longer tell if I'm hungry or feel sick again anymore, something I once struggled with as a teenager and something I once controlled myself something I'm determined to do again.

Today was the day that I finally gave in, I'd had enough of living like this and the tears wouldn't stop.

My next steps?

I honestly don't know but booking in with my GP and sorting my CBT is going to be a start.

Sorry for the rather personal post

tbh I didn't really know where I was going with it but I hope the title was a powerful enough message to anyone that didn't read any further and to those that did, I always forget that it is okay to cry.

YOU BEAUTY Discovery Box | FEBRUARY

Since signing up to my first beauty box I've become a bit obsessed and find myself on the hunt for even more monthly boxes to give a try. Second on my sign up list was the 'YOU BEAUTY discovery box' for £6.95 per box this ones slightly different to the usual beauty boxes as you get to pick two of your items and you'll be sent other treats along with the items you chose.
When it arrived I was baffled as to what the hell it was as it came in a grey posting bag and was quite small compared to what I was expecting so it was one of those what the hell have I ordered? parcels.

In my box

Lindt LINDOR chocolates - My mums favourties so they'll be going straight to her

bareMinerals BARESKIN pure brightening serum foundation sample

IN.FUSED coconut body scrub 1OOG

AGE DEFY+ 24hour brightening moisturizer.

I love the cute little box but I'm unsure if I'll be going ahead with ordering anymore of these boxes, for the extra few pounds I could sign up to another beauty box and it be full of surprises which is more fitting to me.

Have you tried a YOU BEAUTY discovery box? What did you think?

We made our own playdoh

One thing my little household goes through almost as quick as a loaf of bread if not quicker is playdoh!
If it's not found its way smudged and dried up in my shaggy rug, it's been put back in a tub without a lid and gone crusty.
Now £1 for a big tub of playdoh really isn't a bad price but I thought while the girls have a week off we'd have a go at making our own, when we made salt dough around christmas time Daisie sat and played with it for hours so it seemed the perfect half term activity for us to do,
It was so quick and easy to do we were able to whip up a batch within 1O minutes so it's the perfect activity to do with children where the fun doesn't end with the making.

You'll need

2 tablespoons of cream of tar tar (optional)
1 cup of boiling water
1 cup of plain flour
1/2 cup of salt
1 tablespoon of cooking oil
Food colouring
Glitter (optional)
Pepper mint oil (optional)

Put all of your ingredients into a bowl and mix together, Mix until it starts bonding together and becomes harder to carry on mixing. Once it starts forming a ball kind of shape no matter how much you mix leaving the other sides of the bowl clear of any mixture take it out and knead until it starts to feel and look like playdoh. It will be hot when you take it out of the bowl so be careful with little hands near that can't wait to get stuck in.

We used gel food colouring as the recipe we followed suggested they gave a more brighter colour but I think we may have needed two of each colour to get a more vivid colour than we did, our blue came out in the perfect 'Frozen' inspired colour which we used silver glitter in but that batch ended up in the bin as I never reboiled the kettle. So note to self re boil the kettle with each new batch being made or it just won't form well enough to use.
 

Our Bedroom's Having A Makeover

For ages now my bedroom has just not been what I wanted it to be, My furniture doesn't match and it's just blurgh.. I shut the door so no one see's it because it currently looks like the room that's been unpacked and temporarily set up because you've just moved in and needed somewhere to sleep but we've been here coming up to 4 years

So it's time I turned it into my perfect little safe place that I'm proud of so what better way to inspire me to get my bum in gear and get it started? Than to put a mood board together of little finishing touches based around the new wallpaper/paint plans. 

I've been showing and talking to Andy for months now about what I want the room to be like and just had the typical man 'yeah' reply to everything I've said, He caught a glimpse of what I put together and was very pleasantly surprised and seems very excited for it to come together so with that being said I ordered the wallpaper while his excited in hope when it arrives the transformation can begin.

I've become metal shade obsessed I want copper and brass accessories everywhere! 

As I share a room with a man the new style seems fitting for us both it's not to manly but not to girly either it's a nice happy medium and the grey means I can chuck any colour in there and it won't clash to much, something that can't be said for my current green room.

Garnier - Micellar cleansing water

I know, I know this post has been done sooo many times that it's very likely you won't even read any further than the title.
BUT I'm going to write it up and post it anyway
After seeing this everywhere on bloglovin,twitter and instagram I just had to get myself some
while it was on offer in superdrug for £3.32, I'm surprised I didn't do what Andy expected me to do and pick up a few bottles when I picked up this one but on the many reviews I've read each one has mentioned how long the one bottle has lasted them so it seemed silly to have a stash of something that will last me ages. No doubt it will be back on offer when I'm nearing the bottom of my bottle,
I'm guilty of being a face wipe girl it's rare that I have time before the school run to be doing a full blown skin care routine (something I aim to change)
I hate getting my hands wet and touching things especially skin *shudders* so standing over a sink with a face wash that involves wetting my hands fills me with dread so this is perfect for me.

When I started using my bottle I had very bad skin, although its still bad I can see quite a difference since using this every day which isn't even something it promises to do. BONUS!

I don't know if it's just me but after using it my face ends up smelling like a damp room/towel?
Andy couldn't smell it when I demanded he sniffed my face but I know I'm not going crazy! at least I don't think I am....

She's like a rainbow....

With my hair being at it's most natural way (cut & colour) it's ever been in the past 5 years, I thought I'd take a look back and share my most colourful hair colours I've had and cry a little bit.

These photos aren't in order of when I had each colour because it's impossible to remember the order they went in, alot of them are colours from just one year!
As much as I miss my colours I certainly don't miss the upkeep, After months and months of constant bleaching my hair was still in surprisingly good condition.
Each hair colour other the middle one on the top row of pictures in the collage below that was done by a hairdressing salon I actually asked for a purple plum that wasn't in your face but was different enough to know it was me in a crowded place, £5O later reduced from the £9O it should of cost because I was a new customer I left the salon with red hair which Andy later fixed and gave me the colour I'd longed for.

Feburary Glossybox | My FIRST Box

(please excuse the awful lighting)

A few weeks ago I finally signed up to glossy box after months and months of wanting to sign up to some kind of beauty box and stalking the blogsphere for reviews for each box out there, Glossy box looked like the one for me.
Today this beautiful little box arrived at my door and I couldn't wait to tear my way into it BUT first photos for the blog (that has to be one of the worst parts of being a blogger, I won't use anything I'm blogging about until I've grabbed some snaps)

 So whats in the box?

Wilkinson Sword Hydro Silk - £9.99 available at most stores | www.wilkinsonsword.co.uk
With water-activiated bar of moisturizing serum infused with marine extracts and shea butter, this razor hyrdates skin for up to 2 hours after shaving and the five blades leave legs super soft.

MARSK Mineral Eyeshadow | Fifty shades - £14.49 | www.marsk.co.uk
With a colour palette inspired by that film, this mineral powder-based eye shadow is 1OO% natural and highly pigmented so it packs a punch.

Royal Apothic Tinties - $14 | www.royalaphotic.com
These pretty pots contain shea butter and a trio of oils (argan, grape seed, almond) to nourish lips.

So Susan Rose Quartet Lip & Cheek Palette - £8 for 4g | www.sosusan.com
Match lips and cheeks for a uniform polish or be brave an clash red lips with fuchsia cheeks.

B.Cosmetics Mascara - £9.99 | www.superdrug.com
Every woman needs the perfect mascara in  her life. So let us introduce you.... this lengthens, defines, volumises and conditions with Lash Active

Now the only two things I'm likely to use out of my box is the shaver and mascara, possibly the tinties and mineral eyeshadow if and when I ever have a night out or a dinner out with Andy.
Despite being unlikely to use all of the products I'm very happy with my first box and I can't wait for next months box.

Fancy giving glossy box a go? You can sign up using my code
http://www.glossybox.co.uk/referal?CI=MTk1NTU0

Hot Vanilla Fudge Facemask

While in the que in Primark I saw a small selection of face masks for 9Op hanging on those little hooky things placed right by the tills to draw you in even more with that last minute buy because if you don't hurry up and decide it'll be your turn to be served and you'll miss it so you grab it quickly before your called over.

I usually go for clay masks so thought I'd switch things up a bit and go for a heating one this time, Last night I decided to make proper use of my 'me time' Instead of doing my best couch potato impression I painted my tootsies,ran a bubble bath,washed my hair and put on my face mask.

I've got to admit when applying it really did take everything I had not to give it a taste, I love Vanilla fudge and this smelt so gorgeous it was as if I just melted Thorntons vanilla fudge delicious. I was good and managed to resist the urge and just stick to applying it to my face! Usually I can cover my whole face with a fair amount and still have a good quarter of a pack left over which drives me mad as I hate wasting it but with this one I managed to use it all without it feeling like to much on my face.

The heating face masks usually scare me because how can you tell if that sort of heat is right and your not having a reaction to it?

But once applied and it started to heat up it felt very relaxing, I was pretty gutted that it cooled down as quickly as it did and by the time I'd climbed into my bath it didn't feel all that heated anymore.

I know a mumma of two and I managed some proper me time impressive huh? I was soon brought crashing back down to reality of not being in my very own little spa when I remembered I didn't get the washing out of the washing machine and had to rescue it before it would have to go through another wash. 

I can't wait to get back over to Primark and grab some more and will be hunting this one down in my local asda.

Are you a sucker for a facemask? Whats your favourite?

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!

Last night this wonderful little message landed in my inbox and totally made my evening! 

My little space of the internet reached 25O followers

Thank you to all of my wonderful followers for following and reading my ramblings even with such awful grammar (I promise to work on it)

It honestly means the world to me that you feel my little blog is worthy of being in your following list.

.

HAUL | Zara Kids SALE

This week I went out on a mission to treat myself and pretty much failed.

Whenever I enter ZARA I make a total bee line for the kids section and totally over look the woman's section, I don't know if its just my local store but a lot of the women's sale items are just chucked in one big pile like a jumble sale. I don't know about you but for a shop that charges as much as they do I really don't expect to find items bundled up like its laundry day and all over the floor maybe it's us crazy women hunting down a bargain that cause that mess I don't know.

Anyway to the point if there's a sale in Zara I will be there in the kids section hunting down some bargains, the prices go down a crazy amount so how can you say no?  I grabbed my bargains for the girls in the bromley store and when I got home I made a further order online of more items which arrived Sunday morning! I know on a Sunday first thing in the morning best wake up call ever usually wake me early on a Sunday morning and your bound to regret it.
This was my first ever online Zara order so I was excited to see how neatly packaged up they were inside the box.

 Hat - £1.99 down from £9.99
Jacket - £7.99 down from £29.99
Black & Navy leggings £3.99 each down from £12.99 each
Floral leggings £3.99 down from £12.99

MIAU top £3.99 down from £8/9.99
Red leggings £3.99 down from £5.99
Floral leggings £3.99 down from £12.99
Navy leggings £3.99 down from £12.99