What I would give...

 

 Be warned it's a long one.....

I'd give anything and everything to be back to the care free girl I once was! When I didn't have to rely on a tiny little tablet to make getting through the day possible and be able to feel more than anger,frustration,irritation and hate when I don't take them. What I would give to be able to enjoy a day out with my kids without willing the hours to go past as quick as they could so I could be back home where the anxiety of people being around me can stop! What I would give to be able to walk out of my door randomly with my family without being filled with dread and just wanting to crawl into my bed. I've never been one to air my struggles or problems on social networking sites but isn't my blog meant to be my little place on the internet to write how I feel sometimes? I don't even let Andy know that I'm not coping with the day, I'm upset, I'm angry etc

I'll suffer in silence until it gets so much I'm close to break down or it's impossible to look strong anymore today was that day in the middle of Asda and my entire day was ruined the minute I entered Asda.

Today was the official first day of the easter holidays and how it started/went was no where near what I had planned for my little family, That's what I'm most gutted about any other day it would have been better to handle/manage.

I haven't had any of my citralopram tablets for at least a week now but I have been biting a mg up from mine in half to get me by until I got my prescription

I was put on 1Omg last January because I had enough and felt it was time I got myself sorted not for me as I never wanted to go down the medication route but enough was enough it wasn't fair on my girls having to live and see the same four walls day in day out because I physically couldn't leave the house.

We set out this morning while Andy went to help his mum out everything was okay, I went and collected a parcel I had missed then everything the girls done I snapped at I was stressing over nothing then it came to entering asda and that's when I was ready to beg the next person near me to take the girls and just break down there and then. (Of course I would never give my girls to anyone I didn't know or give them to anyone for that matter) Andy met me for some cash to get on the train and he could tell straight away something was up I done my usual 'nothing, I'm fine' but he knew I was lying. Then came the tears welling up while paying for my items there was no hiding something was up now

Andy said he'd take both the girls to his mums with him dispite the fact he'd be really busy he could just see I needed some time today but I wouldn't allow that until I had took the girls to subway as a surprise like I had planned (they nagged me every other day to go).

In the end we popped to see my mum and I decided Issy could stay with me as I knew my mum would let her stay if I asked and Daisie would go with Andy to grandma's but Daisie was having to much fun playing polly pocket with Issy so they both stayed with me and the day picked up after a chat with my mumsie :) 

I stopped leaving the house when I was heavily pregnant with Daisie, Andy would try everything he could to get me out of the house asking if I wanted to visit family, pop to the shops,go to the park etc and my answer was always no without an ounce of me that would even consider a different answer.

He done pretty much all of the nursery runs because I just couldn't find it in me to leave the house,

When Issy was younger you'd be lucky to ever catch me at home I was forever out on the bus,park,shops etc.. Oh how I miss those days, I'm always saying I want them back asap but it isn't as easy as just doing it but I will do it!!!

What went so wrong?

I won!!!

Not so long ago I entered a giveaway run by the lovely Olivia over at oliviaericaryanxo

because she had reached 1OOO followers on twitter!

On Wednesday I received an email telling me I was one of the lucky winners!!

My items were posted on Thursday and on Friday I missed a parcel while I was out, I finally got to go and collect it this morning and it was my stuff, Speedy or what!! 

What I won

Soap & glory - Hand food 5Oml 

Soap & glory - The righteous BUTTER body lotion 5Oml

Soap & glory - Shea butter, sugar and peach seed body polish 5Oml

I'm so excited to use them, I'm a newbie to Soap & glory and I'm very quickly falling in love.

If you don't already follow Olivia your honestly missing out you can follow her here

Very Insipring Blogger

I've been nominated for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award! Thank you so much Laura over at misslmakeup.blogspot for nominating me! This is a great way to find out about new bloggers and also to get to know them better.

Award Rules

1 - Thank and link the amazing awesome person who nominated you

2 - List the rules and display the award

3 - Share 7 things/facts about yourself

4 - Nominate 15 other amazing blogs and comment on their blogs to let them know you have nominated them and provide a link to your post

5 - Optional. Proudly display the award logo anywhere on your blog e.g - side bar and follow the person who nominated you.

7 things about me

1 - I'm an only girl out of 5 I have 4 older brothers with the youngest brother being 1O years older than me.

2 - I'm an aunty to 1O and a great aunty to 5, My eldest niece is a year older than me

3 - I had my eldest daughter when I was 16 

4 - I have a serious spending addiction I can't stand even having £2 in my bank I will go on eBay and spend it just because I can

5 - I've had my hair all colours of the rainbow in one go one side was pastel the other was brights

6 - If I didn't take any of my piercings out I would be well into the 3O's by now

7 - I was my mums 13th pregnancies, she always wanted a little girl but was told she couldn't have girls but here I am not so unlucky 13 :) 

I nominate

- Heather over at  prettylittleteacupp

- Christie over at christiemcleod

- Stacie over at lifewithlaceyandlexie

- Sarah over at curvestheword

- Amy over at saleawaywithmetoo

 - Emma over at thejollyfashionista

I'll come back and add to the list as I find them :)

A week of instagram #1

Things to do this easter holidays by Issy 6

This morning I asked Issy what she would like to do over the easter holidays 

I was planning a post of what to do over the holidays anyway but then I thought even better

I'll do a list of the things Issy would like to do (what better then hearing it straight from a child)

What Issy would like to do

Swimming - depending on what kind of swimming pool you go to it can be a pretty cheap day out for all of the family, It was strange Issy suggested this because she refused to set foot or even consider swimming since 2O12 when she fell under water while on holiday, She has attempted once since and lasted not even 5 minutes in the pool but she wants to go so she can do some doggy diving (basically jump into the pool)

Picnic - Brilliant cheap day out if the weather is on your side this Easter holiday.

Visit family - Issy would really like to go and visit her cousins and nanny.

Park days - Lovely FREE day out unless you have a boating lake kind of park like we do with bouncy castles, go karts and a train that takes you round the huge field or the little mini fun fairs like to arrive and pitch up. 

Soft play -  Hours of fun again nice and cheap if you go to the right one. We have one that has a bowling alley beside it but the girls haven't showed much interest in it yet they just dive straight into the soft play and this one is amazing as it has a bar and food right beside it so we can still see the girls and chill out over lunch and a drink (we don't go for meals very often so this is amazing for us to have some us times with the girls still in sight)

Cafe lunch  -  Both my girls love a subway and I love the prices of their kids paks, you can't beat a cafe lunch and then head off to a park.

Make chocolate milk  - with cream and marshmallows on the top, I usually do the girls hot chocolates like this in the winter but I don't see why it can't work in the summer with chocolate milkshake.

Mummy's ideas

Visit a farm - If the weather is on your side a farm where you can feed the animals makes a great day out, We have one local that is really cheap to visit and you buy buckets of food for something like £2 and the entry isn't much more than £3 either.

Decorate plant pots & plant some flowers - I got this great idea from one of the lovely mums I follow on instagram @kellyf1990 I really want to pretty up my front & back garden and what better way with not only flowers but with plant pots decorated by the girls? 

Egg hunt - Mentioned in a previous post ever since Issy was old enough to go hunting I've done a little Easter egg hunt for her every year, I didn't plan on one this year but when in Iceland she spotted the pretty foil covered miniature eggs and said we needed some for a hunt so how on earth could i say no?

Pasta necklaces -  While making a macaroni cheese the other week it hit me that it would be the perfect crafty fun to make some pasta necklaces/bracelets with the girls and super cheap too!

Do you have any plans for this Easter holiday?

Revlon - 220 Juicy Apricot

While in my local poundland I took a little longer to have a look at the make-up they had in

as I've seen their chit chat range pop up on a few blogs, I usually dive straight passed to the cleaning or themed isle they have

as always there was a hidden gem or two among all their chit chat range of lipsticks and lipglosses 

there was some revlon lipsticks many shades of reds but I haven't worn red lisptick in ages so I didn't grab any of the red shades this time but I may go back for some as they are so cheap,

there was also this gorgeous peachy kind of shade, which I loved the minute I had a look!
So it went straight into my basket

The third picture is alot more true to the actual shade (I really must work on my photography)

I've gone crazy for peach,coral, nude and all sorts of lighter shades of lipsticks recently so this one is just perfect, I'm yet to actually wear this lipstick out as I keep forgetting about lipstick all together. I'm wearing it at the moment tho and I love the shade
These lipsticks come with a moisture kind of stick in the centre which smells like mint

I did grab a picture of it on but my skin is just horrific ATM

I also grabbed a sally hanson sugar coat nail varnish

but that ended up all over our tablet, my sofa and floor.

(I really must learn that leaving my girls for even a second is dangerous)

Lighting Love

 

Seeing such gorgeous lamps & light shades for such amazing prices

makes me wish I had more rooms in my house so I could have them all :(

Each of these shades and lamps can be found here at George home

Each one in my picture is an option for the girls room once I've redecorated (again) I just need to decide which shade and which lamp to go for.

The rabbit may have to go in my room tho as my girls are little destroyers and will have the lamp off and the rabbit in half within minutes of it being bed time.