Make it personal with Snapfish

With christmas on the way you can't beat that personal touch for nannys and grandmas, My mums a sucker for a personalized calendar with 4 older brothers she is without a doubt going to end up with a fair few but she still loves them none the less.

On snapfish not only can you get your standard prints done but you can choose from a HUGE range of different things acrylic blocks,mugs,calendars (4 different styles not to mention a choice of sizes too) Christmas tree decorations,photo books,cards,posters,canvas and much more including animated gifts too!
With so much on offer it was so hard to choose what to get but in the end I settled for a calendar each for my mum and Andy's mum, a porcelain mug for my mum and a cheeky present for myself a gorgeous tree decoration.
It's really simple to do, I had a bit of trouble getting it to load the option to get photos from my laptop but got their in the end, to make it easier you also have the option to upload from Facebook too.
My items arrived in 3 separate deliveries but each one arrived one after the other and within 4 days maximum for the last delivery. I'm super pleased with the quality of each of my items.
While showing a friend the pictures I'd got ready for this review, she couldn't wait to get her hands on some for christmas presents this year.

Enjoy the company of that special someone, every time you take a sip 

 With my mum having arthritis in her wrists she struggles to hold a normal mug so as soon as I saw a porcelain one I just had to get her one with one of my favourite photos of her and my dad from when they were younger.

Start a tradition by creating your own collection of photo ornaments and adding to it each year. With a Porcelain star with your choice of photo in the centre.
As soon as I saw the option of having a photo of the girls in a christmas ornament I just had to have one, I'd love to add to my collection with a new picture every christmas of my girls as they grow. Will be on the list to get grandma and nanny one too!

 Share a year of smiles! 
Enjoy your photos every day of the year with a unique photo calendar.
When your a nanny of 12 and a great nanny 6 it's handy to have each of their birthdays jotted down to remember when they all are instead of having to write it down in pen and risk running out of space, Having it already printed in the calendar is perfect!
(Unless I'm doing up your calendar and not only get one of the dates wrong BUT also missing a few daughter in-laws birthdays out)
Snapfish offer 4 different styles of calendar each with a range of sizes and an even wider range of backgrounds to use.

Don't fancy having each birthday printed off? Or have a few birthdays in one day one being your own?
You can pop in a picture of the birthday girl/boy!
My mum not only shares her birthday with two of her sons but they are all born on April fools day I'm promise I'm not early and its not an April fools. So with each of the boys birthdays jotted down as well as a happy birthday message to my mum a picture of her as a little girl in the box just added that special touch!

*I was very kindly sent a voucher code in exchange for an honest review on items I purchased. All opinions are 100% my own

Me, Myslef & Agoraphobia

A little while ago I had my second appointment at Maudsley hospital, I was originally there for ADHD symptoms a few people including a health professional had asked me if I had ADHD so with that I had it looked into.

My second appointment was one with a psychiatrist, at this appointment he said he didn't feel I had enough of a ADHD trait to medicate to explain what he meant he said people with ADHD are dwarfs and people without it are normal average height, So I'm not quite as tall as a normal person but I'm not as short as a dwarf so I'm pretty much a hobbit :') I suffer with symptoms of ADHD but not enough to be a dwarf and medicated.

His example did make me laugh even more so when he asked if my hair was dyed.

With a reply of no it's natural he didn't seem to impressed but it left me and my mum giggling for the rest of the day.

 So to round it up I'm not as tall as a normal person but I'm not quite a dwarf with natural pink hair :) 

Anyway during my session he diagnosed me with Anxiety/Panic disorder and agoraphobia he suggested I have cognitive behavioural therapy and some medication which would be a higher dosage than the 1Omg citalopram I was on before

I knew I already had the anxiety disorder but the agoraphobia is something new to take in, I don't know why but since I found this out I haven't been right in myself I don't know what it is but I barely eat now (but gain weight like crazy) when it was rare to ever catch me with my hands not full of food and my stomach just doesn't feel right like I have a constant knot in my stomach, I go to bed most nights feeling really odd with an unsettled stomach which sends my sickness phobia nuts!

I mentioned in a previous post that my anxiety of suffering morning sickness was far to much to handle right now so baby number 3 was written off until I can manage it.

Which the above of not feeling right has sent me crazy over thinking it could be because of pregnancy, My babies don't like to show up with pregnancy tests or blood tests until a good few weeks 6 & 9 to be exact with negatives after a faint positive so it's not as simple as test and see :/ 

(Again in previous posts you'd have read I was planning to TTC so came off contraceptives, I can't go back on until pregnancy is totally ruled out)

The worse part of my diagnosis of agoraphobia is I feel I have to live up to the worst case of it because it's already happening I mention I was diagnosed and people look at me really confused and say isn't that were your scared to leave the house? as I'm sitting in their house but that's the thing I'm with someone I know I'll be safe with and I was driven from my house to theirs.

I'm expecting everyone I know personally to think my agoraphobia is something I've made up because I can be seen out BUT it's just up my local town to do some food shopping and school runs. 

Even that isn't easy for me at times, my mum still has to take me to the doctors,dentist and hospital even then I need a week at the very least to get my head around these appointments coming up, the same goes for any kind of event if I haven't been given at least a week it's very unlikely that you'll find me attending unless my mum is there doing what mums do and making sure I go with her by my side.
Andy and my mum are constantly reassuring me not to be silly and that agoraphobia isn't just a fear of the leaving the house at all and I shouldn't care what others think about it.

How long will I love you.....

As long as stars are above you And longer, if I can!

I don't know if it's just me but I spend most of my nights with soppy music playing while getting emotional looking back at pictures of my girls and thinking about how much my girls have grown and how much they've changed.

How many things I got wrong, how many things I'd like to go back and change, how many things I could have handled better, What I can do to improve myself as a mum and so on...

What I would give...

 

 Be warned it's a long one.....

I'd give anything and everything to be back to the care free girl I once was! When I didn't have to rely on a tiny little tablet to make getting through the day possible and be able to feel more than anger,frustration,irritation and hate when I don't take them. What I would give to be able to enjoy a day out with my kids without willing the hours to go past as quick as they could so I could be back home where the anxiety of people being around me can stop! What I would give to be able to walk out of my door randomly with my family without being filled with dread and just wanting to crawl into my bed. I've never been one to air my struggles or problems on social networking sites but isn't my blog meant to be my little place on the internet to write how I feel sometimes? I don't even let Andy know that I'm not coping with the day, I'm upset, I'm angry etc

I'll suffer in silence until it gets so much I'm close to break down or it's impossible to look strong anymore today was that day in the middle of Asda and my entire day was ruined the minute I entered Asda.

Today was the official first day of the easter holidays and how it started/went was no where near what I had planned for my little family, That's what I'm most gutted about any other day it would have been better to handle/manage.

I haven't had any of my citralopram tablets for at least a week now but I have been biting a mg up from mine in half to get me by until I got my prescription

I was put on 1Omg last January because I had enough and felt it was time I got myself sorted not for me as I never wanted to go down the medication route but enough was enough it wasn't fair on my girls having to live and see the same four walls day in day out because I physically couldn't leave the house.

We set out this morning while Andy went to help his mum out everything was okay, I went and collected a parcel I had missed then everything the girls done I snapped at I was stressing over nothing then it came to entering asda and that's when I was ready to beg the next person near me to take the girls and just break down there and then. (Of course I would never give my girls to anyone I didn't know or give them to anyone for that matter) Andy met me for some cash to get on the train and he could tell straight away something was up I done my usual 'nothing, I'm fine' but he knew I was lying. Then came the tears welling up while paying for my items there was no hiding something was up now

Andy said he'd take both the girls to his mums with him dispite the fact he'd be really busy he could just see I needed some time today but I wouldn't allow that until I had took the girls to subway as a surprise like I had planned (they nagged me every other day to go).

In the end we popped to see my mum and I decided Issy could stay with me as I knew my mum would let her stay if I asked and Daisie would go with Andy to grandma's but Daisie was having to much fun playing polly pocket with Issy so they both stayed with me and the day picked up after a chat with my mumsie :) 

I stopped leaving the house when I was heavily pregnant with Daisie, Andy would try everything he could to get me out of the house asking if I wanted to visit family, pop to the shops,go to the park etc and my answer was always no without an ounce of me that would even consider a different answer.

He done pretty much all of the nursery runs because I just couldn't find it in me to leave the house,

When Issy was younger you'd be lucky to ever catch me at home I was forever out on the bus,park,shops etc.. Oh how I miss those days, I'm always saying I want them back asap but it isn't as easy as just doing it but I will do it!!!

What went so wrong?

Our relationship tag

I was tagged by the lovely Heather over at butterflieshavesouls

1- How old is your partner? He's 33
2- When is the monthsary? - The 3rd of every month
3- Do you guys fight/Are you happy with him? - We are forever play fighting & bickering at each other but always in a joke way that everyone thinks we are being serious, we always end up in stitches at each other trying to be angry at one another, I absolutely adore the guy I've never been happier even if he can be like having a son and gets right on tits sometimes but I wouldn't have him any other way, he was an annoying little sod when I met him & even when I was in labour if he stopped I'd be really concerned.
4- Do you live together, with your parent's, do they know? - We have our own little home together, I tried hiding him from my parent's but it was always so awkward having some random guy under a cover in my living room ;) back to being serious my parents knew him before I did, my mum knew from day one how much I fancied him.
5- Where do you live/from? We live in kent
6- How long have you been together? - 4 years
7- What do people say about you guys? - Alot of people say how much of a great couple we make :)
8- Are you planning on having any children together? - We have a daughter together and He has brought my eldest daughter up since she was a year and a half, we have plans for 2 more

I Tag

Christie over at - christiemcleod
Stacie over at - lifewithatoddlerandbump
Tara over at - misunderstoodmummy


I look forward to reading your posts!

Me, My Anxiety & I

Not many people know I suffer with bad anxiety because it's not something I shout from the roof tops pretty silly really because I always stand by mental health shouldn't be so taboo.  I can't quite remember when it actually started I'm sure it was when Issy started nursery & I was pregnant with Daisie, although I had days I could go out okay but I had to do what I had to do (pick Issy up) and get straight home, When Issy was a baby you'd be lucky to catch me indoors we were forever out on bus trips,park,little outings etc. Looking back at all of that I was sick of not showing my girls the world like I should be. So I finally went to the doctors early this year I was determined to beat this myself with no medication but I had to do what I had to do for my girls it's fine me staying in all day but they shouldn't have to so I swallowed my pride and accepted the 1Omg citralopram I was prescribed. I often feel I should have my dosage up'd a little but I'm trying to help myself as best as I can before I go and do that, I also requested counseling but I'm yet to bite the bullet and do that (I was under a psychiatrist back when Issy was a baby but was discharged and left their number if I needed them)  Andy often finds me somewhere in tears because I'm so sure I'm an awful mum he always points out all the things I'm doing right but I'm convinced he has to say that and think the same if I talk to any friends about it.

Having the look I do piercings,bright hair colours,tattoos,photoshoots I do etc many people assume I'm a really confident girl when really I'm far from it. I sometimes panic when I'm out waiting for someone to start some trouble because of how I look but I refuse to alter my look to fit in with what society sees fit, I have days where I feel fine with going out but other days I won't even consider going out no matter what, I used to wear headphones everywhere I went on the loudest they would go so I couldn't hear anyone around me if and when I went out alone people were always telling me they saw me and I totally blanked them (I didn't I just go into my own world where I'm safe when I go out) There was a time I wouldn't do the nursery runs and Andy done them for me because I wouldn't leave the house, Issy's teachers often asked where I was and was I okay.  Andy was forever asking me if I wanted to pop out somewhere with him but I always found an excuse not to go, Since being on medication I do the school runs every morning I don't talk to any of the other mums I talk to a maximum of 5 parents when on the school run and that's it, I can't quite handle the afternoon school runs just yet but I'm getting there now if I'm out its a struggle to get me back home, I can't do things that involve going out on the whim I have to have planned it the night before at least I really struggle when I have things sprung on me or if Andy decides his not coming last minute, Phone calls terrify me I can't even order a take-away the only phone calls I do are ones for my girls,  I can't manage nights out without having panic attacks each time I've attempted a night out i've ended up freaking out. I started volunteering in a charity shop as a start to getting over my fear of going out and speaking to other humans as well as gaining some experience as I really want to work in retail (until i become a awesome body modifier of course ;) one day one day....)

So there's a little look into a part of me that many don't know about :)

5 facts about my pregnancies

I saw a few of these on my instagram feed, I so shouldn't have took part broody is not the word!!!
but I thought it would be fun to post them here too :)

5 facts about my pregnancy with Issy!

1- she was a week late
2- I was sick twice in my pregnancy once all over the little room where I had my blood taken bright purple from my ribena and toast that morning lol & again when in labour
3- I was calling her Trinity right up until my sexing scan then I suddenly hated it once I found out she was a girl
4- My labour was 7 hours & 36 minutes
5- She weighed 7lbs 11.O5oz

5 facts about my pregnancy with Daisie!

1- I was induced when I was what the hospital thought was 38 weeks but once she was born they realized that my dates were infact right which I argued through out my pregnancy and I was actually 42 weeks & 6 days
2- Daisie was diagnosed with CCAM at my 21 week scan
3- I was sick twice in this pregnancy too, once after a chinese (noodles are not easy to bring back up!) and i was retching while giving birth (again not easy holding a bowl & retching and squeezing my mums arm while pushing too) I was eventually sick all over the toilet floor on my ward after I'd had Daisie and she was taken to the special baby unit, so much for the anti sickness injection i had
4- My labour was 1 hour & 42 minutes
5- She weighed 6lbs 4.O5oz

❤

Wonderful Dads!

In case you didn't manage to see on facebook,twitter,all over the shops etc today's fathers day!
There shouldn't be just a single day to let our dads know how special they are but today gives them a day to relax and be spoilt!! I know everyone says their dads are the worlds best dads so i'm not going to be any different because he really is a wonderful man, Although me and my dad might not have that really close bond to be seen by everyone that we used to have it will always be there. We went to visit him today and he was out in the garden doing some gardening while i was having a natter with my mum then we went to peek at where the girls had wandered off to after hearing 'we are going to find gangan' We found them watching my dad doing bits in the garden and the girls were holding hands keeping each other safe as the pond was near by :') was the cutest thing ever! personal reasons ripped away the closeness me and my girls were entitled to have with my dad for the world to see :( i won't be discussing what that reason was as it's really personal. While having a wander around the garden where i grew up as a little girl the memories were flooding back from how i once had a HUGE trampoline that took up way to much of the garden,how I'd sit in my mums summer house, how I'd wander into my dads GIGANTIC shed to find him painting his figures and a whole lot more, The gigantic shed and the summer house look so small now I'm all grown up but the memories are still spilling out of them :) I may not visit or talk to my dad everyday but i love him dearly and will always fight his corner to the death no one says a bad word about my dad other than my mum not that she does tho, I really should start visiting every day. I'm a lucky girl to have such a wonderful dad thats supported me through everything although he isn't a fan of my alternative look he's never told me to change/stop and is always printing off my modeling pictures to show his friends and having one as his phone screen saver if it's not the girls :') I love my dad!!! ❤

As I've mentioned in previous posts Andy isn't Issy's biological dad, He's bought her up since she was 1 and a half when her dad decided it would be best he stopped seeing her, he has been there since then doing all he can for her, She can be a right little madam but he's still here taking the tantrums that can turn violent,the attitude,her bad days,sitting with her until stupid o'clock because she's ill,bought her first school uniform,making sure shes well fed & clothed, he's funded all of her birthdays since her 2nd birthday and i tend to go over board with birthday doo's but he's not once complained but done all that he can to fund her special day even down to selling his phone and parts of his beloved bike (which always came first no matter what before he became a family man) We are all such lucky girls to have this amazing man in our lives and be able to call him dad & fiance! There is no way i could ever repay him for what he has done for us girls, he' helped me raise two beautiful little girls the best we can there's been many times were I've turned into psycho woman and Issy has been a total nightmare to deal with, i wouldn't have blamed him for walking away but he never has but has always been there with a cuddle and kiss for us both :)

5 facts on each of my girls

5 facts about Issy

1- She has a double crown meaning no matter what i do with her hair it doesn't sit right
2- Her favourite colour is blue
3- Her big name as she calls it is Isabella-Rose but everyone calls her Izzy/Issy
4- She adores her nanny more than anything in the world, every day when i collect her from school she asks to go to her nannys :')
5- She's such a tomboy but she's slowly becoming quite girly


5 facts about Daisie

1- She has a lung disorder called CCAM you can find more info on it here - CCAM
2- She loves peppa pig & minnie mouse so much that it's requested before i've even had the chance to adjust to waking up
3- She's so strong its scary
4- She's mad on shoes, she's forever bringing me shoes or saying shoes and pretty (just like mummy)
5- She's already in clothing size 2-3 she's not 2 until 15th July, she's been up in sizes ever since she turned 3 months.


Both my girls are named after their great nans

❤

Daisie joined the library & Issy had her sports day

Today i took Daisie along to the library (not that she needs to go to the library the girls practically have their own upstairs in their book box) before heading to Issy's sports day while we were there i joined her up got her own little library card and she got her a little bookstart bear club booklet that includes:


- a little passport where every time she goes along and gets some books out she will get a stamp once she has got 6 paw print stamps she gets a certificate
- a bookmark
- a poster with nursery ryhmes in
and some little finger puppets :)
i wasn't aware they still done this sort of thing, back when Issy was Daisie's age i used to take her quite regular and she done a bookstart book crawl, i have her certificates on my kitchen cupboards :)
So I'll be taking Daisie quite often while Issy's at school and collect Issy from school and we'll all go together.
Today Daisie took two books out being peppa pig baby alexander and Raa Raa the noisy lion Let's play together, she's happily sat and read them with both me and daddy today before bed.

Today Issy had her sports day, she's been abit poorly over the weekend so i wasn't sure if she would be going into school or if she would manage to stay awake during the afternoon but she managed it all :) She did say this morning her belly still hurt so she couldn't go to school but as soon as i mentioned she wouldn't be able to go to nanny's either she made an instant recovery and shot out of bed :')
she done super well in all the tasks of her sports day, shes the only one in a blue bib in her team because she was originally in a blue team but another little girl was upset and wanted their teacher (who was leading Issy's team) so she swapped over to cheer the other little girl up :)

❤